Tony's Spiritual Autobiography Part IV
Article by Bro. Tony Bell
We visited Lindsay Lane Missionary Baptist Church first because it was the closest to our house. The first thing we noticed about the church was that it was predominantly white.
I had been wanting to turn my professional skills as an Interactive Graphic Designer towards God's service and I was given the chance at Lindsay Lane. I built the church a new website and I also created branding and logos for the various ministries.
Drew asked me to lead the Men’s Ministry. I named it The Forge, drafted a mission statement and began leading meetings and coordinating with the building trustee to activate the ministry into projects. We had three objectives:
To support our community through outreach.
To support our church through maintenance and work projects.
To support each other through fellowship.
I was asked to coach a soccer team. I coached two teams, assisted with grounds keeping, assisted with administrative and day-to-day operations and I refereed. It was a great opportunity to reach out to the surrounding community. We had more than 100 kids in our first season. As a coach I made sure to infuse the practices with Godly lessons. That ministry recently concluded its 4th successful season. Our soccer ministry was so successful that we started a basketball ministry. I contributed similarly to that endeavor.
Drew asked me to lead a few Wednesday Night Bible Studies. This was a big step. I was honored to be asked and I felt prepared for teaching in this capacity, however I remembered that teachers would be judged more harshly. This was a first step down a path that I'd been avoiding for most of my life. I prepared myself for that role by studying God's Word voraciously and consecrating my time to God. I began to see how this could lead to me ultimately accepting the call... I'm not ashamed to admit that I was afraid.
During our journey at Lindsay Lane, God was working on me in some very important and painful ways. He was breaking down my resistance with blows of strong conviction. At home and at work I was being hunted by the knowledge that He had work for me to do in His name. And I was too afraid to do it. He would no longer accept any of my excuses. With eyes full of tears I fought Him off with every excuse I could think of.
I knew that I was not a good man. I am a sinner and like Paul I constantly do what I do not want to do, but the good I want to do I do not do. How could God use a man like that?!? And this call was too high! I was fooling myself to think that God would ever be able to use a person like me. Surely every Christian must imagine at some point or another that they've been called to preach! This must be some delusion of grandeur. It must be pride! Plus this is too great a responsibility for me to bear. I know the cost of leadership in earthly things... and it is excruciating!!! PAINFUL. How much more to try to be a leader of God's Own Chosen People! FOOL, what must you be thinking to aspire to such a great and lofty role. You who are made of dirt and filth through and through! Do you deign to take the Holy Word of God into your broken and corrupt mouth. You have SO little worth! GOD CANNOT USE YOU!!!
But... God has provided me with Love. Though I lost my mother at such a young age I'd never wanted for love or family! And he provided me with discernment to be able to know the truth. And he provided me with great Godly mentors: Grandma, Grandpa, Minister Foster, Father Fackler and others. They modeled Godly Living for me. They instructed me in Godly leadership. Through pain and heartache and frustrations God HAD been preparing me with a unique role, a singular message and a genuine fire to preach His word to His people. Finally, God blessed me with a wife of noblest character! She convicted me and called me to a genuine relationship with my God. She was the best possible partner to walk this difficult path with. When I looked back it was obvious that so much had been invested into me for this exact purpose.
My greatest fear became that if I continued to run from God, that one day He would stop pursuing. Where would I be then? Would I be forced to watch someone else, someone bolder and more courageous and more convicted than me go out and DO what I was so afraid to do? How could I hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" if I was neither good nor faithful?
Could God really use me?
Psalm 139:1-7
Knowing the cost, tearfully out of excuses and objections, thoroughly emotionally spent, I chose to accept my calling. I preached my initial sermon at Lindsay Lane Baptist Church on June 7th, 2015. I only wish my Grandma could have been there.
Bro. Tony continues his story in Part V.
Author: Bro. Tony Bell
“It is appalling that the most segregated hour of Christian America is eleven o’clock on Sunday morning.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
We were cautious about attending that Sunday and I did not expect to return. However, the people there showed us such love and warmness that we chanced a second visit. The pastor, Drew Sawyer, came to our house to visit. He told us his vision for Lindsay Lane Baptist Church. He wanted to make it into a racially diverse, family friendly, contemporary, Bible preaching and practicing church. We joined after a few weeks and were immediately drafted into the good work of the church. Our family hit an all time high of activity. Lindsay Lane is a small church, but highly active in the community with various ministries.I had been wanting to turn my professional skills as an Interactive Graphic Designer towards God's service and I was given the chance at Lindsay Lane. I built the church a new website and I also created branding and logos for the various ministries.
Drew asked me to lead the Men’s Ministry. I named it The Forge, drafted a mission statement and began leading meetings and coordinating with the building trustee to activate the ministry into projects. We had three objectives:
To support our community through outreach.
To support our church through maintenance and work projects.
To support each other through fellowship.
I was asked to coach a soccer team. I coached two teams, assisted with grounds keeping, assisted with administrative and day-to-day operations and I refereed. It was a great opportunity to reach out to the surrounding community. We had more than 100 kids in our first season. As a coach I made sure to infuse the practices with Godly lessons. That ministry recently concluded its 4th successful season. Our soccer ministry was so successful that we started a basketball ministry. I contributed similarly to that endeavor.
Drew asked me to lead a few Wednesday Night Bible Studies. This was a big step. I was honored to be asked and I felt prepared for teaching in this capacity, however I remembered that teachers would be judged more harshly. This was a first step down a path that I'd been avoiding for most of my life. I prepared myself for that role by studying God's Word voraciously and consecrating my time to God. I began to see how this could lead to me ultimately accepting the call... I'm not ashamed to admit that I was afraid.
During our journey at Lindsay Lane, God was working on me in some very important and painful ways. He was breaking down my resistance with blows of strong conviction. At home and at work I was being hunted by the knowledge that He had work for me to do in His name. And I was too afraid to do it. He would no longer accept any of my excuses. With eyes full of tears I fought Him off with every excuse I could think of.
I knew that I was not a good man. I am a sinner and like Paul I constantly do what I do not want to do, but the good I want to do I do not do. How could God use a man like that?!? And this call was too high! I was fooling myself to think that God would ever be able to use a person like me. Surely every Christian must imagine at some point or another that they've been called to preach! This must be some delusion of grandeur. It must be pride! Plus this is too great a responsibility for me to bear. I know the cost of leadership in earthly things... and it is excruciating!!! PAINFUL. How much more to try to be a leader of God's Own Chosen People! FOOL, what must you be thinking to aspire to such a great and lofty role. You who are made of dirt and filth through and through! Do you deign to take the Holy Word of God into your broken and corrupt mouth. You have SO little worth! GOD CANNOT USE YOU!!!
But... God has provided me with Love. Though I lost my mother at such a young age I'd never wanted for love or family! And he provided me with discernment to be able to know the truth. And he provided me with great Godly mentors: Grandma, Grandpa, Minister Foster, Father Fackler and others. They modeled Godly Living for me. They instructed me in Godly leadership. Through pain and heartache and frustrations God HAD been preparing me with a unique role, a singular message and a genuine fire to preach His word to His people. Finally, God blessed me with a wife of noblest character! She convicted me and called me to a genuine relationship with my God. She was the best possible partner to walk this difficult path with. When I looked back it was obvious that so much had been invested into me for this exact purpose.
My greatest fear became that if I continued to run from God, that one day He would stop pursuing. Where would I be then? Would I be forced to watch someone else, someone bolder and more courageous and more convicted than me go out and DO what I was so afraid to do? How could I hear "Well done my good and faithful servant" if I was neither good nor faithful?
Could God really use me?
Psalm 139:1-7
O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
Knowing the cost, tearfully out of excuses and objections, thoroughly emotionally spent, I chose to accept my calling. I preached my initial sermon at Lindsay Lane Baptist Church on June 7th, 2015. I only wish my Grandma could have been there.Bro. Tony continues his story in Part V.
Author: Bro. Tony Bell
Date: 01/25/2019
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